The thing about moving on when you've lost someone you love is that you don't really forget. You learn to accept the fact that they have passed on but no matter how long it has been since their passing, it takes every day to learn to let go. I know I haven't let go.
Even now, I feel a tinge of pain whenever I think of my grandmother and my grandfather. They are so alive in my mind. Their smiles are etched in my mind and fuel me to think that wherever they are, they are happy and smiling at me, untouched by any pain and sorrow. Oh but how I miss them and how much I wish I can be enveloped in their warm embraces, to feel their bodies next to mine, assuring me that in that small space between us, I have everything I need.
Several days ago, I dreamed of them. In my dream, I told my grandfather that I wanted to visit my grandmother and he told me how delighted she will be and so we went. And when we got to the place where my grandmother was, we were separated by an impenetrable glass. I longed to hug her then as I do now and I saw in her eyes how much she wanted to embrace me too. I cried in my sleep and woke up crying. I miss her so much and every day especially on days that are tremendously challenging, I long to be next to her touching her hand as I used to, listening to her as she reminded me to eat more or to always be courteous and generous, looking at her and seeing the woman I want to be and seeing her eyes that had always expressed all the love she had ever held for everyone she knew. I miss her so much.
Lola, I look forward to the day when I can hear your voice again,
when I can hold your hand again and when I can embrace you to let you know
how much I miss you for every day that has passed since you left.
I remember how much you have loved me each time I look at myself in the mirror.
Thank you for always loving me and for always being on my side.
I love you Lola and I miss you every day.
