progressing from FNR to vinyasa open level

Last night I was undecided whether to attend class today or skip it. And just before I retired for the night, I decided that I'll let my body be the judge of it come morning. So it was my body that decided that I step on a mat again today for a Pranayama and a Vinyasa Open Level classes. It felt good to listen to the body and let it take over the mind. These days I am becoming more and more accepting of the fact that my body is intelligent too, that it isn't just the mind that knows things.

It was my first Pranayama class with JO today and it was different from the Pranayama class that I have attended with L. I was surprised by the difference but it was a nice change of pace from the usual Pranayama class I've attended in the past. It was different but I also enjoyed it. I have not been attending Pranayama classes for the past two months I think and it was nice to be in a class and have time to focus on the breath alone - no poses, just the breath. It was the stillness and the focus that I have missed and attending Pranayama class today was one that I realized I needed coming from a lack of focus and being too distracted in class yesterday. The exercises in class were nothing new to me but honestly I rarely practice pranayama and even vinyasa at home. I find it very comforting to have someone lead me through practice but I guess eventually, I have to take my practice home. Eventually, I'll get there.

Our Vinyasa Open Level class followed the Pranayama class. It was also the first time I attended a Vinyasa class led by JO. And I couldn't help but smile with pride and joy at the realization that almost a year ago, I first stepped into a mat in UAM in JO's FNR class. How much has changed since then! I liked the poses he cued in class today and the transitions we made from one pose to the next. That's one of the things that I have started to appreciate in Vinyasa classes - that creativity in transitions, the unpredictability and the possibilities within 90 minutes of practice. I have attended enough FNR classes to observe that the poses are indeed limited and the transitions tend to be similar. I didn't know I'd say it this soon but I have come to love and embrace Vinyasa Open Level classes. It amazes me how a few months ago I was too anxious of attending Vinyasa Open Level classes because they were out of my comfort zone. I was too comfortable in FNR classes. It was familiar and I knew I was doing well.

So what changed? It was when I attended an FNR Athletics class last weekend that it came to me what L and C have told me about my practice. I was indeed doing well and I have come to outgrow the FNR class. It shows my strengths but it no longer shows me the limitations in my mind and in my body that I should dissolve. T, the substitute teacher last Saturday said it best, "if you could reach your toes, perhaps you should be in a Vinyasa class". Alas! I have gained a bit of flexibility enough to reach my toes. It was really time for me to graduate from FNR classes. And that is why these days I feel more motivated to attend Vinyasa Open Level classes. I still feel conscious at the start of every class and I make sure to choose a spot where only a few people will see me (that is, rightmost near the wall, at the back or the middle row) but once the class begins, I forget about my classmates as the practice reveals to me my physical and mental limitations. Working my way on dissolving them one modification at a time, my practice becomes my own and there's no one else but me on a mat and the teacher leading the practice.

Today the peak pose was Bakasana or Crow pose and I did it. I hadn't realized that not a lot of my classmates were able to do the pose until JO said that it was okay if some of us were not able to do it yet and that we should focus on building strength first; that the people who were able to do it have already built enough strength in their arms to move into the pose. It made me think of how I started in his class 357 days ago, struggling to hold plank even for a second and how practicing regularly have allowed me to build strength enough to hold an arm balance in tonight's class. I can hold plank now with much more ease than when I first started. I can even do chaturanga! It gave me immense satisfaction to have come to that realization. Yoga has made me stronger, more confident and is paving the way for me to be more self-aware. I am glad that I had the courage to step on the mat 357 days ago.

I have come to realize that self-development requires us to take a leap out of our comfort zones and to embrace the anxiety that comes with being in a new zone. Growth begins when we acknowledge our limitations and when we commit to dissolving them.

yoga progress

Class today took me to the Mermaid pose. It wasn't the peak pose but I felt that was where I was meant to be for now.

As expected, I found today's class challenging as I've skipped my yoga classes for 2 weeks. I was motivated to practice more regularly when the familiar ache in my back returned. What motivated me to try yoga in the first place is the main reason why I keep coming back. Sometimes I forget that so it's good to be reminded. We all need reminders, things to keep us grounded. So yes, it really isn't the toning of the body that motivates my yoga practice but the health benefits it gives.

Something distracted me in class today. Actually through most of my practice, I wasn't as focused as I used to be. Instead I was distracted by how close the mats were and by the other students in class. It didn't help my practice at all. Then during vinyasa, I kept smelling something like floor wax and it made me nauseous. But I forgive myself for being too scattered today and hope that my future practices will be a lot better because of this awareness. 

Baby grasshopper

My limbs are sore. It bothers me when I move only because it is painful but the pain ceased being so important to me. Why? Because I know that this pain is for a healthier and stronger body. In a way, this pain now is so that I can avoid future suffering, as my teachers always say.

My teachers have encouraged me to attend Vinyasa classes. According to them my yoga practice is doing well and so to be able to learn more, I should attend more Vinyasa classes. So that's what I have been doing. I have noticed the difference between FNR and Vinyasa Open Level classes. There are more variations and more complicated poses in Vinyasa Open Level classes than in FNR. Each time I am exposed to a new pose and I feel in my body that it is also adapting. I find it amazing to find that my body still has room to grow, that it can still adjust to more bending and that it can actually be a lot more stronger. I guess it also relates to our capacity as individuals in general. I've been working in the same industry for 10 years now and yes, sometimes I feel like I already know everything about a certain task. But every now and then I find myself in circumstances that challenge that belief and pushes me to see the world from a different perspective. Perhaps there is always room to grow no matter your age and your position in life.

In my most recent Vinyasa Open Level class, I was introduced to the Baby Grasshopper pose. When MD, our teacher, demonstrated it, I didn't think I could do it. It looks so easy for her but a lot intimidating for me. And yet I tried and when I tried it, I found that it wasn't as challenging as I thought it was going to be. The hardship was just in my head. Sure it wasn't easy but it was something I discovered I could do. 

And so that got me thinking about how we get overwhelmed by some circumstances in our lives because we allow the mind to think that it is difficult. Perhaps if we only look at it through a different lens, we would find that these things that we think are insurmountable are actually something we can overcome. Rainer Maria Rilke put it best, "perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love."